Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Justice For HIM

    This is a subject that I have many times wrote about, but I am itching to write and with the topic being given on Facebook by BFF, I figured it won't hurt to voice my opinion on this matter yet once again.  For most normal custody matters, the mother wins custody while father gets visitation.  I do not disagree with this concept, although there are other things that I disagree with. 

     I disagree with how the system ALWAYS chooses the mother over the father.  There are bad mothers out there but it takes an act of congress before they will take the kid(s) away from the mother.  I am going to talk about my current situation as an example.  I met my now husband last year and he had just been awarded temporary emergency custody of his son.  The "mother" was also pregnant with their second child together, but her fourth, she also had 2 daughters but other men.  In July, we were told that she had miscarried the child, but she did not ask about the 6 month old that she had just walked away from.  August of last year that same little boy started calling me mom. October I was asked to marry this man and become the "step-mother" to that little boy. November we were rudely awakened with a text from a mutual friend saying that the biological mother was actually in labor.  Phone call after phone call we managed to get the right hospital, file a complaint and tell them that DCS would be involved.  (In the middle of everything we were also still dealing with court dates on the other boy.)  The man in which she claimed was the father was given custody until a DNA test was to be given to both men.  (January, after the judge gave this woman chance after chancce to show up in court, my husband was FINALLY granted full custody of the oldest.)  DCS took their precious time getting a DNA test and all the while stood in favor of the "mother" and her new man even after everything that she had been told.  March 7, 4 months of waiting and we find out the the baby is my husbands and that the next day we would bring him home.  March 8 not only did we bring another boy home, but that is also the day we got married.

     Now, I have left out some IMPORTANT details in my story and I did so for a reason. First off, with my oldest step-son the egg donor was given close to 6 chances to show up in court to fight for custody.  She did not show or even call any of those court dates.  If the roles had been switched, would the judge have given my husband that many chances to show up or would custody have been granted to the mother sooner???  Next question is, why in the world would this female be given that many chances after already loosing custody of her 2 daughters and after threatening the life of more than one child???  Why would she even be given a chance after all of this??? A father on the other hand could do the same exact thing and he would automatically be red flagged and either get not a damn thing or supervised visitations.  Where is the justice in that?  Why are women not treated the same as the men when it comes to a child?

Justice for HIM is what needs to happen in some situations.  Justice for the father.  How many kids does a "mother" have to loose or put in danger before the courts STOP giving her chances?  Is it going to take one of those kids being injured or even killed BEFORE they decide that the kid in question (or any others she may have in the future) should be placed in someone elses care? A man can have problems paying child support due to GOOD reasons and be put in jail BUT a mother can reproduce 2+ times, put the child in danger, abandoned the child, or something of the such and she will get a slap on the wrist and many more chances to "change".  There is something WRONG with this picture.  After the egg donor has not had contact with MY son(yes he is MY son, maybe i did not give birth to him but since he was 5 months old I am who takes care of him along with his father) in a year she still has the ability to fight to see him.  There has been no contact with MY youngest son since March when my husband got custody, yet she could easily call up and say she wants her "supervised visitation" that she was granted.  If we do not arrange something then we would be held in contempt of court.  After everything that she has done, she could still be given more chances with these kids and I do not see where there is any justice in that which is why I believe that there should be justice for HIM.